Between Your Plans...Life Happens

Bucket List #2 - Watch me!

2010-12-08T21:11:00.000-08:00

So perhaps the sheer time span between bucket list posts exposes my knack for slow learning on the listening and not speaking front, but I forge on to item #2. Oh fear not, I remain committed to work on #1 while I practice all the remaining lessons and adventures that await me. Let's face it, chances are I will take item #1 with me to the grave, but hopefully it will be less magnificent a need then it is in my life today.

Alas, Item #2 of the Bucket List. It's a biggie. I am going to own my own business again and create a living through the things I love the most - all things home and garden. I have the idea, the location, the dream...I even have ideas for decor in my mind's eye, but there remain a few details to work out. What's that you ask? Oh nothing really. Silly things like, someone else owns the property, zoning is all wrong and a minor little inconvenience of start up money. Psshh. It's nothing really. Doesn't deter me in the least.

I know that with determination, faith and hard work, it will come to pass. In the meantime I do what I can to manage our own lives, live within our means, learn lessons along the way and give my best to those around me. I'll have a business - mark my words. It just may take a few years.

Watch me grow!

Fake Cheese

2010-11-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

I am a cheese lover. Cheddar, jack, chipotle, goat, swiss....hardly met a cheese I didn't like. It's become a sort of identity for me...and actually made my bucket list. Yes, I will eat cheese on a street side cafe somewhere in Europe with wine. It's a romantic ideal I recognize, but leave me and my bucket list alone! I have my Hollywood frame in my mind and I will experience some semblance of that reality in my life time.

Now, back to cheese....broiled on steak, melted on bread, tossed in salad, just by the chunk, yes I am known in many circuits as the mouse. In fact, in a certain unfortunate event, I had to fire a personal trainer who insisted that my entire dietary/body ratio proportions were off balance due to cheese!

A couple weeks ago I made a batch of homemade broccoli cheese soup and the recipe called for mostly shredded cheddar, fresh veggies and cream...and a portion of shredded processed cheese. Let me tell you, it's NOT found in the cheese aisle or anywhere near refrigeration, but near the chips. You see, processed cheese is "special". Albeit, the soup was amazing and I'll make it again, the non-perishable "cheese" with it's radioactive orangish-yellowish glow is a bit unnerving. And the way it mushes in your hand if one attempts to shred it is disgusting.

However, melted quickly into a homemade soup, one can forget it's unnatural personality long enough. But last night I made enchiladas and decided that rather than waste the remainder of nuclear-block-o'cheese-wannabe, I decided to use the fake cheese. I have never made enchiladas with fake cheese and can safely assert that I never will again.

My husband and grown children, raised with a certain level of politeness and poise at dinner ate in silence. Before I knew it I was alone, they had quietly slinked out of the room stealth like, hoping to go unnoticed. "The kids didn't like it," exclaims the husband as he notices a nearly perfectly formed enchilada in the trash. "That belongs to mom," shouts oldest from his bedroom computer. I'll have to talk to that kid!

To fake cheese - you've seen your last appearance here. You're not worthy and the way you stiffly held your defiant face in the trash proves you don't belong here. God protect the seagulls at the landfill.

Bucket List - Item #1

2010-06-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

I have a "Bucket List" for my life. I've never really written it down, but it's there. Of course it includes items such as having a glass of wine and cheese on a street side table in Italy with my husband and the "typical" dreams that such lists elicit. But my list also explores things I want to become and be in this life.

So this post is dedicated to #1 on my Bucket List....to become a better listener. In my musings, I poke fun mostly at myself and my incessant need to be heard, but I examine the truth of my heart as I journey to pursue the things on my bucket list. I hope you enjoy and consider what you may want to become in this life.
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News flash...research finds that our ears work without the involvement of our mouths! It's true, I've tried it out a time or two....and I can confirm it DOES work.

Why is there such a compulsion to hear our own voice when we listen? Why does it seem so difficult to just be there, to hear, to support? Why must we find a story, tell our version or offer unsolicited sage advice?

Speaking for myself, I think I've lost the art of listening; of being present right here, right now and enjoying the here and now. Drinking from the relationship and time and space I am in at this very moment vs. rushing off to the next thing in my mind.

Regardless of where I am, I need to commit myself to be all there and listen. From that level of attention, I can hear you and I can be with you in whatever raw and real state you are in-good, bad or ugly. It’s only then that words should be shared. After I have heard, listened, seen and can respond with meaning, not just offer "place-holder text" (to borrow from word processing tools).

Yep, bucket list item #1 is under construction. I'm becoming a better listener every day. I'd love to hear your thoughts about listening.

Thanks for reading, enjoy this moment.

Renaming a Blog

2010-06-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

For my entire fan base (all one of you), I have renamed my blog to "Between Your Plans....Life Happens."

My blog is a space to describe the events, stories, lessons and moments of life, parenting and relationships that keep life exciting. We have a choice whether we stop and find the beauty, the humor, the goodness in things or not.

This blog is my celebration of life....with all it's quirky, funny and sometimes poignant lessons along the way. They definitely don't fit concisely within the frame of my plans, but it is a ride I don't want to miss.

Living it fully and enjoying as I can. Thanks for reading.
Sally - Alive and Well

No Vacancy for Hollow Words

2010-06-16T10:29:00.000-07:00

Rolling eyes and sagging posture are nothing new when we discuss our "words" with our not quite child, not yet adult offspring.

"It's not just what you say, it's how you say it," we implore. There are times I swear that unseen to the eyes of a nagging (ahem, educating) parent, a tiny "no vacancy" sign is posted at the cerebral gates of teens. Do they really have no attention for "tone of voice" or feelings in others? Perhaps.

Then I'm forced to take a look at our adult life; our adult habits that we establish as the example. A talk show host opins that, "teens can't communicate or use vocabulary anymore because of technology." Celebrity shows tear people apart for their outfit, their bad hair day, their cellulite. News programs, politics and television are full of negativity, gossip, criticism, anger, teasing and intolerance. What about our own conversations in the home? How many times have I had a “tone” to my voice that I intended in every way it was received? Where did our kids learn to use their words?

Albeit not perfect, I am proud of two relatively decent humans we have raised. They do care about others. They do communicate and use language and they do, despite their best defenses, occasionally absorb a little of our "wisdom" at their cerebral gates.

I can tell by the fact that they sit and talk with us at the dinner table. They have an opinion about the news or religion or business or politics. They are friends to others. They react when things are not fair or don't make sense. They respond when we are trying to pull one over on them and preach what we don't practice. They are prepared to be successful because they aren’t afraid to challenge the emptiness of our words at times.

Perhaps that little sign at their gates is more accurately posted as "no vacancy" for hollow words.

Touching today and yesterday

2010-06-06T21:16:00.000-07:00

My teenage daughter and I have just returned from a mother-daughter shopping trip to the Farm Chicks show in Spokane, Washington. First thing in the door, your eyes light up with the wonder of fabrics, decor, furniture and fun that fill the rooms. In fact, we found ourselves having to slow down, breathe and take our time because the show is wonderful and overwhelming all at once! Farm Chicks is a "smorgasbord" of delight to a woman who loves unique, antique and boutique shopping.

As I wandered the rows of vendor booths, I dabbled and touched today and yesterday. I saw the textiles and items of the past being adored and reintroduced to new homes, new families and new stories. I couldn't help but reminisce of hours in my grandma's jewelry box, of projects hubby's grandma sewed with love for her family and of my own family and how much they mean to me. In a language I speak best, caring, baking, creating and giving is my language of love. Today I was surrounded by hundreds of people who do this for a living! It was deeply inspiring to me.

This evening my bed is adorned with fantastic new red and white toile and chenille pillows, darling antique accents have been added to the house and a shiny vintage chandelier hangs in the basement awaiting it's new home in my daughter's bedroom. A spoil any determined shopper would be proud of! But I have a contented peace in my heart tonight as well. I have wonderful new things, but most of all I have a gratefulness in my heart for my family, for my heritage, for our blessings and for the fresh rhubarb strawberry crisp on the counter reminding how much they mean to me.

Amazing love

2010-05-27T21:58:00.000-07:00

We "love" a lot of things...chocolate, sunshine, outdoors, coffee, etc. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

No, the kind of love I am talking about has power. It has life. It has a transforming energy about it. Love is an intangible force that can brighten, strengthen, empower, cleanse, heal, motivate and sustain. Love is indeed amazing.

I've been both the recipient and the giver of that kind of love. My husband, my mother, my God, my dog...they adore me. And I feel that strength of love to my husband and children, my family, my God, my friends and on occasion, even to my dogs.

I realized something about love today. Something I've known forever cognitively, but just got clarity on in my current situation. I can't really give that kind of love if I don't feel love toward myself. Now I must admit that even typing those words sounds silly to me and a part of me winces as if some cosmic hand is going to come slap my mouth for speaking such selfish things. But that's missing the point all together.

Lately I've been a whole lot of negative about myself. My weight, my body, my attitudes, etc. And that has started to spill over into other things. I don't want to become a "negative Nellie" (sorry to the Nellies of the world - remember to love yourself!) and drag myself and others down.

So I realize that if I do not accept, forgive and love who I am uniquely in this world, then I will not be able to accept love lavished on me. As long I am unable to believe I deserve to be loved this way, I will repel those thoughts and feelings as if I am unworthy of their strength and joy.

Sounds rather silly and pretty obvious, but if I want to restore the joy and happiness to my life, I have to start with a sincere and humble belief that I am loved with an amazing love by so many in my life and that I deserve it. That's not self-centered, that's smart. That's opening myself to the healing, strength, cleansing, empowering and joy that love, amazing love can provide.

A discovery along the road

2010-05-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

I drove over 1000 miles this week for work. I was sure at one point I would have pressure sores from the sitting, but I do still enjoy the solitude that the road brings. Sometimes it takes the car and the long open road to pull me away from the distractions of life to a place of silence where I can think!

Alone in my thoughts I found myself speaking outloud about darling little farms along the way that I loved. I surprised myself because although I love my garden and wish deeply our home owner association would allow backyard chickens, my hubby of 23 years wants nothing to do with it. You see he grew up in the rural areas and knows all about the work. I grew up in the city for the most part but love time in the yard, the garden, the outdoors. To me there is a sort of simplicity and peace in the garden. It's hard work but there is something cathartic about the tending of the soil, the careful concern over plants and the gentle, consistent pattern that gardening takes. It is something that is within my grasp and yet at the hand of God and the elements.

Somewhere beyond mile 800 I realized, the thing I long for is not a specific parcel or size of lot, but the simplicity....the peace...the structure and hope that a garden brings. It doesn't matter if it's a big pot, a raised bed or an acre, there is something about the process that is a need in my soul right now. Among a life that is full with unpredictable projects, dust ups, challenges and joys, the simplistic pattern of the garden is a buoy to my soul. It's a safe harbor where I can peacefully wander, intentionally love and specifically pour myself into something that I love.

That is a gift. That is my discovery along the road. :)

What do you think about that?

2010-05-16T21:19:00.000-07:00

My son has decided that his life calling is to join the Army...which he has done and with 7 weeks until his departure, I am sorting through all manner of emotions and decisions. But I find it fascinating that when I try to tell others about his life choices that the most common response is, "what do you think about that?"

I think in this process I have learned something about both of us. I adore my son, my oldest and would do anything to protect him. But most of all, I want to see him happy and leading a life he loves! I can't be selfish in this moment. He wants to do this and I will send him off with as much support as he deserves.

Am I scared? Of course. I'm a mother; worry is hard-wired. But I am proud. Proud that he is willing to choose what is right for him, proud that he is a kid who wants to make something of his life and proud that we have raised a decent and honest kid who will represent this great country in which we live.

What do I think of this? Well, I'll tell you. My son is going to be an army soldier. He will be a really smart, good soldier. I'm proud of him, proud of us and worried. After all, isn't that a mama's liberty?

Gentle kiss of spring rain

2010-04-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

There's something magical about today. The trees are in full bloom with playful pink and white frills, the tulips are beginning to peek out of their hiding and the forsythia are smiling with their happy yellow blooms. It's gently raining as the earth seems to smile and drink in its playful refreshment. Everything feels new.

The harsh, cold days are behind, the newness and invigoration of a new start is upon us and spring has come to place its gentle kiss upon us. Indeed, this day bristles with something new.

I close my eyes and will away the deadness of winter in my soul - the hurts, grudges and pain I hold on to. I turn my face to the sunshine which peeks through the clouds, offering a rainbow. Hope. Life. New beginnings.

Today is magical. The gentle kiss of spring rain has cleansed my heart and I am ready to bloom again.

Pink chenille slippers at work?

2010-04-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

There are those times in life...days, weeks, moments...when you feel as if you just can't take any more. I've had one of those recently. Meetings that stretch on for hours, return messages and to-do lists that seem endless and stress pressing in on all sides. It's at these very times that this high achieving self-motivated performer feels like sitting and doing nothing.

In the face of overwhelming work loads, challenges and tasks, my mind drifts away from this meeting on revenue to my pink chenille slippers and a glass of wine. Is it a sign if I'm thinking of wine by 10 am? I digress.

But no fear! I know the cure. At the close of the meeting, I promptly slip away, reach for my cell phone, dial up that trusty phone number and get an appointment. I'm feeling better already.

Yes it does the trick every time...a hair appointment and new pair of earrings. There, I'm feeling much better!

Living in the Here and Now

2010-04-12T19:56:00.000-07:00

Sitting in church on Sunday and listening to the pastor speak I hear him say, "I've been on a time clock." He was speaking of his time with devotions and how he easily tries to rush through to get to the next thing to do in his day. It gets me thinking.

How often do I put others on a time clock? Have I been so busy with school, housework, life that I am antsy and distracted to the point that I miss relationship because I have "so much to do?" Shush! That's a rhetorical question, please don't answer out loud!

Actually, I know the answer. I have been busy...crazy busy. I have indeed been processing life on a "to-do list" and getting through the things I must get done today. One check at a time, I have been living my life. But as I stop to consider the true treasures in life, I have missed it.

I have missed the here and now for fear of not finishing, not accomplishing, not...whatever. I'm challenged to live in the here and now. To be fully present right here, right now, for this moment. Somehow that revelation makes the tension melt from my neck, the strain in my face relax and my heart feel a bit brighter.

I can do right here, right now. Afterall, that's all I really have.

The last corner

2010-04-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

What is it about the last corner of the race? I remember back to my high school track days. I'm clipping along at a decent pace, working hard, keeping a sight on the front...sometimes even in the front. Then the last curve comes in the 300 meter hurdles...

My coach always called that the "monkey on your back" curve. It seemed that you began running slower, heavier, almost as if you entered an alternative space. That last 100 meters was the hardest part of the race. You had to just gut it out and leave everything on the table, even when it felt like your mind and will were defying your body.

That's how this last corner for my thesis feels. Like I've begun running in place, heavier, slower and weighed down with exhaustion. I just need to turn the corner and see the finish line to turn on the after burners and kick my final boost toward the finish line.

I know I can do this, but this race feels longer than I expected all of a sudden. I think I will go design graduation party announcements. Yes, just what I need to find my inner kick and finish this race!

No need for "old tomato"

2010-03-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

Our children are nearing adulthood. They want the freedom that adulthood brings; the liberty of their own place, making their own way and not having to call to tell us where they are. And we want that for them too. Not because we don't love, but precisely because we love them.

This week, my husband and I had discussed and fretted a bit about how to encourage more intensity to seek direction, school interest or work. We finally landed on what we call a reasonable "old tomato" (ultimatum). One which we knew we would stand by and would encourage action toward said desired freedom. When we called one of our young adults to the office to sit and chat, it was as if they could read our mind. They sat down and launched into the plans, the course of study, the action steps and timing for where they wanted to go. Stunned, we smiled at each other knowing....no need for “old tomato.”

What Am I Going to Be When I Grow Up?

2010-03-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

Barefoot in our California back yard, I would spend hours creating cures and medicines from the big streaks of oozing sap off the old pine tree. In earnest I went about my primitive research, spending hours curing obscure doll diseases and creating scientific formulas for all manner of useful household purposes (aka glue).

I would imagine that I could be anything I wanted to be. And at that age, I believed anything was possible…indeed the world was my oyster.

Now as a 40-something year old (no I won’t tell you exactly how 40 I am), as I finish the final few weeks of my Master’s degree, I am faced once again with the question, “what am I going to be when I grow up?” Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. I have a great job, a wonderful family and a beautiful house. But, as we near the cusp of an empty nest, the completion of a degree and the downsizing of a home in the next couple of years, we are looking at things a little differently.

What’s really important? What do we want to do and be together? What is smart? Reasonable? Will lead to our goals? Is that what's right for our family?

A myriad of questions and emotions flood my mind. Practically, in this time, what will we need to do to ensure we can retire before we are 100? Shouldn’t I know what I’m going to do by now? Should I be in a job that I will stay in for the rest of my life? Is it too late to consider a change? Do we want to be here forever? Do we want a smaller home? Simplification?

We simply don’t know. I had been feeling a bit ashamed to be honest, but my twin brother wisely put it, “I think it’s normal to wonder, to look forward and to ask these questions.” Then I am most certainly normal! And I don't know what I'm going to be yet...stay tuned, I'll keep you posted.

When the "Must-do O-Meter" starts to smoke...

2010-03-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

Life has a way of keeping us busy and in the press sometimes, when I try to do it all, well...it doesn't always turn out so pretty. In fact, there are times when my "Must Do O-meter" starts to smoke and I am reminded I need to slow down and simplify. If it were a short one-act play, it might go something like this:

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[Sally walking through the airport toward baggage claim, looking confused and tired].

Sally: (says out loud as if someone is there with her) Oh shoot! I don't have my file; I don't remember which car company I booked with.

[Sally shuffles through crowd, retrieves luggage and proceeds to car counter.]

Sally: (out loud to self) maybe I will remember if I see it.

[Scans counter with no less than 8 car companies, shoulders slump.]

Sally: (smiles and approaches counter, hands license to attendant) I have a car reservation for today.

Attendant: (after a pause and a confused look, clicks away on computer) I'm sorry ma'am I don't see one for you.

Sally: (weakly smiles) thank you. Must be another company - can you look me up in the master car database?

Attendant: (flatly and a little bit annoyed) There is no master car database.

Sally: Thank you. (Sees self-check ins for two companies, picks up pace toward machines).

Sally: I'll find it myself. (Proceeds to check both machines - no reservation).

2nd Attendant: Can I help you?

Sally: (leaving all pride) I have booked a car and have no idea what company it was with.

2nd Attendant: (with smirk and offering a platitude) it happens all the time. Do you remember what company? What it National, Budget, Dollar, Avis?

(NOTE: WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK YOU WHAT YOU JUST TOLD THEM YOU DON'T REMEMBER? LIKE MAYBE I FORGOT TO THINK ABOUT THE NAME OF THE COMPANY!...I digress....sorry for the interruption.)

2nd Attendant: (now with a tone of "you poor fool" in his voice) Go across the fourth floor, over to the garage and then down to 1st floor, they can help you there.

Sally: (wanders through crowds to 4th and then 1st. Approaches counter of a fourth company)

3rd Attendant: (with pleasant smile) May I help you?

Sally: (weakly). I don't have any idea who I reserved a car with.

3rd Attendant: (pleasantly) I’ll check. (Pause, clicking of computer keys). I don't show anything here, do you remember the rate?

Sally: (softly as if trying to tell a secret) No. Tell me, if I booked a car with you and didn't show up, do I get charged anyway?

3rd Attendant: No.

Sally: (brightening) Perfect - I need a car for one day and I'm booking it with you.

3rd Attendant: No problem. That will be $39, I recommend the collision coverage. (Pause, then sweetly adds) Can I offer you a GPS unit?

Sally: (thinks to herself) how’d she know? Wonder if she has any idea what hotel I booked?

Trying to Catch Feathers in the Wind

2010-02-21T17:49:00.000-08:00

As I enjoyed the warm sunshine at my back and the cold, freshly stirred dirt in my hands, I could not find that routine sense of calm and peace in my heart. Normally, in this space of solitude, I enjoy the quietness of my thoughts, the dogs following me around the garden to assist and the fresh, cool air in my lungs. But something nagged at me today. I was trying to catch feathers in the wind.

You know those times when you wish you could capture and collect your words just after they cross your lips, the moments when negativity settles in and you wish you could rewind and re-do? That's where I was today. I let myself get a negative attitude earlier this week and was rehearsing those things in my mind. I had been a drizzle in the conversation with my colleagues and I am ashamed. Again I learn that once those words have been released, it is impossible to catch them and take them back, as if they were feathers in the wind.

Since I can't undo, I must focus on changing from here. I can apologize and own my attitude. Then from there I must guard my thoughts, my attitudes and my speech. From here out, I am forecasting less wind and more sunshine in my future!

Temptations of Spring

2010-02-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

It's been a mild winter (sorry East coast, but we DO know your pain). And spring looms on the horizon as we enjoy very little snow, lots of rain, sunshine and the sweet temptations carried in on early robins and birds in the yard. I know better, I know better. Stand strong you gardening fool. Stand strong!

So, let's see how I'm doing against the temptations of spring this year?

Garden seeds and flowers ordered, check. Drawings for new projects in yard completed, check. Structural plans for new things to build and pavers to lay, check. Begun moving things in the yard to prepare for a move of my raised beds, check. Plans for new garden beds in the works, check. New outdoor fabric purchased for decorative pillows outside, check. First plant for outdoors purchased, check! Wait! What am I doing?

It's only February. Last year we had snow until June and I already have my garden boots sitting by the back door. I am in serious trouble!

What is it about the smell of grass, the feel of dirt, the excitement of gardens? I know with my head that we are to wait until the snow on Mt. Spokane is melted (according to old farmer's tales) and yet I have blueberries waiting to go in the ground. Silly, silly me.

I guess I have no option. Plant them anyway and hope for a miracle vs. just letting them die in the garage. The early temptations of Spring have won again but I vow to not give in again. I have no other choice but to take drastic measures!

Avoid home and garden shops, nurseries and Costco aisle of plants for at least 3 more months, check.

I have a dream...part 2

2010-02-10T20:23:00.000-08:00

So, here goes. The part where I admit what I have been dreaming. I don't want to completely because I fear failure. But there is such a stirring in my heart that I can not deny. Some days it feels like it could happen any minute and others I feel silly for dreaming. Mother Teresa was quoted as saying, "we can never do great things for God, we can only show great love." I want to be like her.

I've had a dream for years. Such a deep burden that nearly makes me cry. I am going to find a way to help kids who may be called by the system "at risk" but who are beautiful and talented individuals who need a chance, not a label. I want to open a community garden in an abandoned lot of an area that is just right and invite youth to help tend it, care for it, reap it and sell it. In the process we will teach marketable job skills, we will earn food handlers permits and make homemade and delicious food to sell and present our product at farmers markets. It will be a job for the youth, but each of us will learn business, sales, marketing and sustainable food. Each of us will learn to help others and make a way for our own lives, regardless of what we've been dealt. I hope to make a portion of this venture something that will partner with schools nearby and include teaching gardens and science curriculum or business and economics curriculum so that the community will come together and create something beautiful. The remaining produce will be shared with families in need through the food bank or other local services that provide food to others.

I have a site in mind and I had a realtor offer to help me find the owners of the lot. I have volunteers who want to help me. I am sure there is grant funding somewhere for it. I know that these youth just need a little time, a little investment, a chance and together, we can make our community a much more beautiful place to live.

Perhaps I am silly to you reader. That does not daunt me. I know that somehow, in my own little way, I will be able to help our youth, our community and our planet. I am not discouraged by doubt, but willing to find a way. God knows. He will direct. And you, if you want, you may help, but if you don't think it will happen, I understand. Life is uncertain and dreaming is scary. It's vulnerable; it risks failure. But without it, I am not sure I can go on. Life is full of possibilities and in some way, some where, I will see a dream come to pass.

Not afraid to dream

2010-02-06T18:16:00.000-08:00

I have ideas...lots and lots of ideas. I joke that I could fill 3 lifetimes with all of these inventions of my creativity that keep the gerbils in my mind awake at night. You see, I'm a possibility person. The age old song titled, "don't fence me in" plays in mind every time I hear, "that's not how we have done it" or "it probably won't happen." Nothing harshes my spirit more than a negative Eeyore-esque person who doesn't believe in dreams.

Life is full of possibilities and it can be beautiful if you take time to see it! So call me Pollyanna if you must, I won't hold it against you and some day when you need to feel valued, I will gladly include you in my dream.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not silly and blithely walk through life believing that if I thought it, it will come to pass. Let's get real. There are those pesky details such as time, money, opportunity, health, etc. But, overall, I am not afraid to dream. For to me, dreams are the stars, the possibilities and the potential to do and be more in this life. I'm not where I want to be forever. I've got things to do!

Sure dreaming is scary and frankly a bit vulnerable. But to me, dreaming is the fuel for my passion, the warmth for my soul and the life to my heart. I have a dream, a huge, exciting, change my part of the world dream. I have seen the location for it, I know the partners and helpers I will call in, I've seen the photos of it successfully working in my mind. Now I just need to figure out a few of those pesky details....

A sure sign of aging...

2010-02-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

Ever caught yourself saying, "I was never like that." Ah, then my friend, you are also showing sure signs of aging. It's OK, I think it happens to most of us eventually. I guess in my 40-somethings, it's just coming on sooner than I anticipated.

First, it's our memory that goes. You know, the times when I find myself exasperated at my teen ager's antics or excuses or choices and think to myself, "I was never like that." Then Father Time creeps up and begins to affect the eye sight as well, as I observe, "my daughter has too much make up on." I think there must be something wrong with my hearing, "what did you say?" (as an aside...do I REALLY want to know what they said?) to my teens. And finally, the entire cognitive system seems to defy all odds as your teens stare back at you with glazed over eyes as if you made no sense at all when you enforced a rule or had the nerve to say "No."

Ah, but the heart can not lie. The heart remains young and full of love, patience, grace and hope. Longing for the day (I hear it's 30 or so) when you will become a trusted friend again. Yes, my heart can wait and hope and pray in the meantime.

"God please keep my teens close and safe from harm....and a little wisdom on our part in the meantime wouldn't hurt!"

Do Unto Others...

2010-02-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

I have the unique privilege of doing a project with Greater Spokane Incorporated for their Buy Local campaign. Now, admittedly, this helps me out with finishing my Masters degree at Gonzaga (May 8th, 2010 here I come!), but in the short time of research, I have found so much more.

I had the opportunity to meet with their "Executive Board" members at a planning meeting. I'll tell you what, these are no ordinary ladies! After less than two hours, these are people who you know they are beautiful inside and out! Their involvement in this campaign is way beyond a selfish pursuit to support their own businesses. Way beyond. In a matter of moments, you see the conversation take off and then you witness something truly spectacular...raw enthusiasm, zest for life, love of and belief in people and commitment to help others. This is no ordinary committee indeed. They have a selflessness that fuels this passion to serve our community. These people are a positive force that will change our city for the better! I'm delighted to be a part, if even for a short time.

I have always felt a certain smug satisfaction about my commitment to our local businesses and helping the "little guy" out, but I have a whole new appreciation of what Buy Local really means. It means making our purchasing decisions speak of our priorities; it means a commitment to sustainability; it means, well frankly, it means do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It's as simple as that. A basic rule of support, dignity, care and strength for our local businesses who make this great city so amazing. For the restaurants and shop owners, the business men and women who risk all to provide for us, for the repair shop, the bank or the worker...if we want it, we have to take responsibility to sustain it. Buy Local. It's much more than a trend, it's the future of our great city that we love. I'm committed.

From Scratch With Love

2010-01-17T19:03:00.000-08:00

Today I took daughter to breakfast and after church came home and worked on laundry, homework, cleaning up, getting the guest room ready for Tuesday and worked on a home made marinara base to cook with. (Incidentally, I did rearrange the guest room...I can't help myself).

If I talk about cooking from scratch at work, a colleague of mine teases...why? That's what the jars are for! Well, because it just tastes better and I got a ginormous new pot for Christmas that took the industrial sized cans of diced tomatoes to fill, not to mention that it creates a whole lot less rubbish, I love to cook. Besides, I have two families I am making some extra meals for in the next couple of weeks so it will help me help them. Now I have enough marinara to make lasagne, tomato basil soup, spagetti or other such creations with just a few additions and twists and I feel a certain sense of satisfaction in my heart. I love to fuss over those I love. I love to know that it was extra special, because they are too.

So enjoy it from scratch, with love!

Asking Why

2010-01-14T20:08:00.000-08:00

You watch the news and can't help but feel a heavy heart...earthquakes, devastation, accidents, assault, wars, hate, vandalism, gangs, crime...it all seems to merge into a din of negativity that makes you want to cover your ears and run. But something I heard made me listen. "Why did this happen?"

It seems that often in difficult times, we begin by asking "why?" But I wonder if this question really helps? In a feeble way are we trying to grasp at a sense of control by finding out why this happened to us? Are we really in a place where we want to know? What if there isn't an answer? What if it just is, because it is? What if this happened because we live too near a fault line and it has nothing to do with whether we were good enough, bad enough or in between? Is that good enough? Do we understand why one would suffer and others should not? Is there some cosmic balance of scales? If so, wouldn't all of us be wiped out by now? Is there really an answer to this question that would ease our heartache? I think not.

Life is full of senseless events, happenings and heart breaking instances. I don't know that we will ever understand "why?" And the times I have sought a "why" have been some of the most heart wrenching times of my life - full of bitterness, sorrow and hopelessness. I search the universe, my soul and life itself...I've demanded of God as if He was defending himself in court, seeking answers for the pain or injustices I feel I have suffered. I have found nothing in these trials but more heart ache. Then I see the plight of some and feel shamed for my self-righteous demands that life be good and easy.

But I've learned in life that during the hard times, I need to ask, "how?" How can I handle this situation, grow from it, change or become a better person? How can I face these challenges with dignity, grace and hope? I can I help lift the burdens of others in spite of myself? How? How can I make a difference? By changing from "why?" (a focus on me) to "how?" (a focus on others).

Social Responsibility

2010-01-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

We hear a lot about social responsbility these days. Go green, watch your carbon footprint, recycle. But, regardless of where you stand on these issues, I believe at the heart of social responsbility is an oath to "do no harm."

Whether you are inclined to strap yourself to a tree or are the heralded "northwest recycler" is beyond what I'm talking about. It's about kindess, good thoughts, helping when it's in your power to do so and about supporting one another. It's being a friend, lending a hand, working together, shoveling the walk. It's about remembering that every single person we encounter is worthy of dignity and respect. It's about doing unto others as you want them to do unto you. And then, from that may birth a passion for taking care of our earth, trees, animals or whatever.

Perhaps I have grossly over simplified a very politicized and popular topic, but without a heart that cares about our impact on others, all the recycling in the world can't make this a better place to live.

Being socially responsible doesn't require a specific bin or bumper sticker. It all starts with the heart and I believe if we work together, we really can change the world!

How did we get here?

2010-01-05T16:54:00.000-08:00

Looking UP in to the face of my first born, I realize...things will never be the same. Not that they have been, but in my mind I seek same-ness, I cling to thoughts of when he was little and forget all of the little steps along the way. How did we get here...talking about his first place, future plans, buying a car, etc.?

Well, I guess it was the accumulation of those seemingly little things. The things that are easy to forget, but the very things that shaped our relationship. The first ear infection, the family trips, building sand castles on the beach, scolding you to sit still and quiet through a boring sermon, your first dog, unteaching you to give "head butts" in the face, riding the bike, helping with homework, moving and moving again, teaching you to cook and do laundry, heart to heart talks at bed time and a million other times in between.

Although I swore I would never say this, it seems like you were just a baby. And yes, there are times when I wish I could do it over again. But when I really stop to think I realize, no, I wouldn't want to do it over. Sure there have been mistakes, failures and bumps along the way, but I am proud of you son. I'm proud of the person you are. You have a good heart. You're respectful, playful, gentle yet competitive, smart and a really great person. You care - and that matters a great deal in life.

So I watch as you begin plans to begin on your own and think, I am so lucky. Lucky to have a nice kid who I enjoy and who will change this world in his own way. A kid who will be the best friend, the sweetheart to someone, the strength to others. How did we get here? On a journey of a lot of moments and a lot of love.

Excuses, excuses

2010-01-02T14:13:00.000-08:00

We have so much. We are so blessed. In fact we have more than we will ever really need or use, so why then do I stand in a walk-in pantry of food and "can't find anything to eat"? Or the walk-in closet of clothes and have "nothing to wear"? I think it is a symptom of how I have gotten too accustomed to wanting the easy way.

Just think about it. We fill our lives with stuff, projects, toys and intentions and then find ourselves at our wit's end trying to take care of them or even really enjoy them. We are always looking for the next great solution, the "magic wand" that will help us clean, organize, lose weight, reduce stress, give us more time, improve relationships, etc. Face it, I want the easy way.

I used to work out every single day and I loved it! I loved running, the fresh air, even the cold air. I loved swimming, gymnastics, soccer, track, softball and bikes. I was always active. Then I went through a period of life where I let myself get so busy with life and doing that I didn't make time for it...at all. Since then, I have gotten back into a bit of a routine but find my middle aged body defying my best efforts. So, the books say, you have to work harder and longer at this age. What? You mean my 10-minute total body workout isn't enough?

You'd think I got asked to reorganize my entire life to find 60-90 minutes a day to be active. Really? Is life that full that I can't walk the dogs every day? Are things so tight that I can't take a little time to ride my bike (or use the home gym or gym membership more often)? No, not really. Face it, I want the easy way. It's much easier to make excuses than to just do it!

But excuses will only serve to strangle my dreams, limit my "take off" (literally) and inhibit my wings. So that's it. I'm done with excuses. I'm living ... I'm flying ... I've got places to go!

Change - not just for change's sake

2010-01-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

Looking out at the rainy grey and white view from our window, I am feeling a little sentimental today. New Years does that to me.

You see, I am the kind of person that loves change. Change of seasons, start of a new year or school term and to my husband's shagrin, rearranging furniture. Sure, I get teased for the constant change in my home, decorations, paint colors, etc. But, in reflecting about this certain need for constant transformation in my life, I discovered something.

I am a possibility person. I have dreams, ideas and things I want to do with my life that would fill four lifetimes. I want to help others, make this world a better place, lift up someone else who helps others, make a difference in our neighborhood and be a friend to the needy (and yes, if I knew how, provide this world with peace!) But most of all, I want to see my children spread their wings and fly. I want to see them succeed and be happy and find the perfect person in life who is their soul mate and makes them even better. I want them to love life and the path they are on and enjoy the people and opportunities that life brings their way. Now what does this have to do with furniture placement and whether my spring decorations are out by March? Bear with me, I'm getting there.

As I muse, I realize, the one thing in life that makes me happiest of all is to know I have taken care of and blessed my husband and children. I guess in life, by making a home cooked meal, growing fresh vegetables, making our home a comfortable place they want to be, I am taking care of my most precious priority. Then we are free to be able to help others, together.

I believe deeply in the principle of "what goes around, comes around." Call it Karma, coincidence or divine intervention, but I know that as I live a life seeking growth and change, trying to better myself each year, week, day, that I will be able to see the needy helped, the down trodden lifted up and my own discouraged teen buoyed by love and acceptance.

So for 2010, I'm going to change! I intend fully to love those close to me better, to help when it is in my power to help. Oh, and of course to rearrange often. Happy New Year - may you be blessed with kindness, grace and love. Give it and you will receive.

Challenging Times Call for Seeing Differently

2009-12-04T19:54:00.000-08:00

After recently completing a course on the Gonzaga campus on creativity and leadership, one resounding tidbit sticks with me. Creativity comes from "seeing and seeing again."

In these tough economic times when budgets are being cut, work forces reduced and resources are stretched thin, it would be easy to keep our focus on how hard it is to make due. Trust me, I know. But these challenging times have the potential to shape us, to drive us to the be the best we've ever been. All it takes is "seeing again."

Leadership requires creativity. Especially in challenging times. When we are faced with accomplishing more with fewer resources or facing what may seem like overwhelming obstacles, we must take time to see things from a different perspective. Often in the midst of challenging times we just roll our sleeves up, grit our teeth and get to work and miss what may be the best ideas yet.

But maybe the answer lies in stopping, taking a look at the future, the problem, the challenge, the client, from a different angle. Gather the team, get the scratch paper out, change your lenses. See and see again. Don't just go with the first thing that comes to mind or the tried and true solution. See if you come up with something else, something from another angle.

I bet that this year, in 2010 we will find new ways, better ways, inspired ways of leading and we will find some of our brightest work ever as we rise from the dust. I'm looking forward to shooting for the stars...and seeing them from a different perspective.

2009-07-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

A Vanishing History...Farming on Five Mile Prairie
by Sally Mildren - COML 517 Summer 2009 B Session

What do two Danish brothers, Indians and cabbage farmers have in common?

Less than 100 years ago, on the breezy plains of north Spokane known as Five Mile Prairie, farming was the only way of life. Today Five Mile consists of a handful of small farms and development after development of brand new homes.

In the early 1900s, the residents of the Prairie were made up of a small grouping of families who worked the once rich and beautiful top soil to grow cabbage, wheat and corn to provide for their families. One of the main streets on top, Johannsen, was named after two Danish brothers who moved here to farm and raise their families. Along with neighboring cabbage farmers, they would load their horse-drawn wagons, shuttle the week’s fresh produce downtown and sell it to residents in Spokane. Families in those days raised their own cows for milk and meat, nurtured chickens for fresh eggs and worked the ground to make a living. That life is nearly impossible to maintain here today.

Corrine Polley and her husband Harvey have lived for decades in the Johannsen Road home that her parents and grandparents lived in on Five Mile. Her grandmother moved into the area in 1910. Corrine recalls visiting her grandmother on the Prairie as a child. During one visit she remembers when the “new kids” from down the street rode by on horseback. She chuckles as she recounts her grandmother saying, “My goodness! Those kids are going to get hurt. They are going way too fast!” The irony is vivid as another car speeds past the front of their home.

A fragile scroll opens to reveal a copy of a map drawn by her mother, showing the residents of the Prairie during the early 1900s. The women of Five Mile Prairie had this map prepared and sold it to the residents. This same group of women met each week to help each other with children, their homes or the farm; whatever the need. “This was a rural farm community,” says Corrine, “we all helped each other, just like small communities do.” Today, many don't even know the names of the neighbor next door.

Indian Trail, an aptly named road off the backside of the Prairie, was home to an encampment of Spokane Indians. “There were squaws with their papoose strapped on, they cooked over fires and had all sorts of caves throughout the area where they hid their skins and furs,” recalls Corrine. “I remember one time my grandmother told me about stopping to water the horses at a local spring and running into Indians there. They were fascinated with her light skin and hair and wanted to touch her since they had never seen someone like that.” There is a rich history here that the new suburban residents know nothing of; one that is at risk of being lost forever.

The remaining farm land on Five Mile has been zoned Urban Reserve, which in essence is a “holding pattern” before the land can be developed for residential housing. Although county guidelines call for the preservation of prime farm land so it is available for that use in the future, the zoning of Five Mile to Urban Reserve is the “noose” around the neck of the farming way of life on the hill. Now the land has development guidelines that make sure nothing will be done today that would interfere with the ability to develop it later.

“A farmer can’t even work their land and make enough money to pay the property tax anymore,” says Harvey. “It’s really sad, but they can get a lot more money by selling their land off to developers.” The loss of the few remaining farms seems inevitable at this point. “It’s going to happen,” says one neighbor. When asked how she feels about that, Corrine says with her face in her hands, “It’s hard, it’s so hard to see.”

With the disappearance of farms on Five Mile will be a loss of the quiet, rural charm of the area, but most importantly, a colorful part of Spokane’s history will vanish with them. That’s a high price to pay for development.